My first job out of college, I was in charge of sending invoices to clients as part of my account management responsibilities. My first email went something like this:
Shawn,
Here is your invoice for the month of October, due upon receipt.
Thanks.
The-22-year-old-who-doesn’t-know-what-she’s-doing
My boss came in 2 minutes after I hit send and said, “Kristina, sending an invoice for $120,000 should have some warmth to it. Ask how they are, did they have a nice weekend, thank them for partnering with us — something to let them know we aren’t just demanding money like Scrooge.”
Good golly, that would have been nice to know before I hit send.
It’s easy to get caught up in completing our to-do list tasks and forget that our words need the warmth of human interaction.
My cold-hearted email is just one low-stakes bad example. Maybe you are facing an abrupt project delay and need to update cross-functional peers or need to send a memo to the board letting them know your team missed targets big-time for the quarter...
The problem is, many leaders think there is a hard line: communication that is either 1) quick and direct or 2) overly fluffy and passive. No one wants to sift through wishy-washy language, but neither do they want a cold robot shooting off sterile directives and reports. Read more on this in the using active voice in leadership issue.
This matters because: People want clear, easy-to-digest communication, wrapped in the warmth that comes from a human being they enjoy working with. It IS possible to find the middle ground (keep reading!) Studies on workplace connection show that when employees feel genuine warmth and psychological safety from their leaders, job satisfaction climbs, turnover drops, and productivity increases—simply because people spend less time sitting in anxiety decoding a hidden meaning, and more time doing great work.
So here’s the micro-lesson: You can deliver information, even bad news, without coming across as a callous, soulless robot.
Here’s the basic “communicate with human warmth” formula:
Lead with a human touchpoint.
State the thing clearly.
Bridge number 1 and 2 with purpose.
BONUS: Move your message from one-way to two-way communication by inviting your reader to respond.
Let me show you how this formula works with a couple of examples:
Lower-stakes:
Dear Leroy,
How was the camping trip with your kids this weekend? [1. human touchpoint]
I’m reaching out to share the results of our quarterly reports — we missed a few targets by more than 30%. Please review the report by 11am tomorrow and we can discuss our options to move forward over lunch. [2. direct, clear communication on the topic at hand]
I appreciate all the work you’ve done on this so far and look forward to brainstorming solutions so we can support one another in reaching our team goals. [bridge between points 1 (warmth/gratitude) & 2 (info)]
Talk soon,
warm-person-who-addresses-problems-without-causing-panic-attacks-in-my-teammates
Higher-stakes:
Dear Sarah,
Hope you had a restful weekend after that intense sprint leading up to Q3 reviews! [1. human touchpoint]
I’m reaching out to share a critical update regarding our software launch: we hit an unexpected database bug on Friday that will delay our public release by two weeks, moving our go-live date to November 14th. [2. direct, clear communication on the topic at hand; notice the bolded phrase to draw Sarah’s eye to what is most important.]
While this timeline pivot is frustrating, taking these two weeks ensures we protect our brand reputation, deliver a flawless user experience, and uphold the high standard of work our clients expect from us. I’ve attached our updated mitigation plan and would love to walk you through the details on our 2:00 PM call tomorrow. [bridge between points 1 (warmth - acknowledging emotions) & 2 (clear info)]
Talk soon,
a-leader-who-delivers-hard-truths-without-hiding-behind-a-heart-of-stone
DISCLAIMER: If you need to communicate a job layoff, termination, or related bad news, this is not the right formula to use. Please reach out to me directly if you need support drafting that type of communication.
Put it into practice:
There are two things you can do in less than 60 seconds to strike the right balance between clear, direct communication and warm communication:
Do a warmth audit: Before hitting send on the next email on your list, ask yourself: “If I said these exact words to this person over coffee, would I sound like a friend or like a vending machine?”
Add a 5-second fix: If your communication is leaning more robot-like, add in one line of genuine human warmth at the start of your message, and bridge it at the end. (Read more on this in the avoiding slack tax issue)
How’d it go?
How did your communication fare under your warmth audit? What did you add as your human touch and how did you bridge it at the end? Please hit reply and let me know — I’d love to hear from you!
And if you need help drafting or editing your communication — from emails to reports, memos to blogs — schedule a time to chat with me. I’d be honored to help sharpen (and warm up!) your messaging.
P.S. Random Things I’m Loving This Week
(These are not sponsors or affiliate links… just things I genuinely enjoy and want to share with you!)
Erasable Pens — I found one of my son’s erasable pens lying around and grabbed it to jot down some notes about something. It’s now my new favorite writing utensil. I don’t like pencils because the graphite smears over time. So a non-smeary pen that erases = awesome!
Cuyahoga Valley National Park — Autumn’s colors are on full display at Ohio’s only National Park this month. My family went for a quick weekend trip and enjoyed the crisp air and mighty waterfalls!
Voice Notes — I have a client who has been sending me voice notes as we work through her book, and I’ve started sending them right back. It’s a nice change of pace and also allows us to share tone, inflection, and ponderings with one another in a way that text can’t always capture. I’m really enjoying it!
Local Fall Hayrides — the local farm down the street from my home hosts hayrides to their pumpkin patch each year. They also allow visitors to pet some of their animals. Meet Buckeye, the cutest calf I’ve ever seen.
